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Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Life After Bob




Last photo taken of Bob by April Allyson Abel
It has been six months since Bob died. I don't like to use the softer, gentler words: "passed away" - The man up and DIED. The End. Finito. Gone. Well, not so suddenly as that, but almost. Looking at photos of him from 6 months before he died, he looks fine, healthy, strong. But within those six months that cancer just ate him up. And there was nothing I could do about it. Feeling so out of control, trying to joke about it, but knowing all the same that he was going to die. It's hard to see those last photos of him looking frail and thin and old. And worse, in pain. When he was so vibrant, so full of life before the Big C arrived in our lives.

People ask "How are you doing?" I want to be honest and respond "Heartbroken" because that's how I'm doing. I miss him so terribly. I wish he was still here. I can't really say I'm lost, because I'm coping, doing all the things I need to do, taking care of the business of living, paying bills, all that. And I'm traveling. I've enjoyed quite a few little trips in these past months. Partly I think I'm running away from the everyday. But partly, keeping our dream alive of having a life filled with experiences and not a lot of "stuff" - Live Cheap and Make Art. I'm journaling, capturing my observations in my watercolor journals, that is sustaining me. I'm taking photos of the places I've visited. Enjoying myself as much as I can without him by my side.

So I thought I'd share a little of my recent "adventures" with you. That, after all being the purpose of this blog - to share our life and adventures.

I'm thinking I may just make separate posts about each of the little journeys I've taken, probably more "photo essays" than a lot of writing (different from those lengthy, wordy posts from when Bob and I lived in Italy - but I hope enjoyable.

I thank all of you for continuing to follow my life, my art, my travels. Not sure where I am headed now. I still have the studio although I'm not sure for how long. Waiting to make that decision of whether to keep it or not. Not feeling much like studio painting these days and focusing more on my sketchbooks, my journals and teaching others to enjoy it as well. We'll see.

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